Originally published in Folha de S. Paulo on August 7, 2025

I’m in São Luís, the capital of Maranhão, staying at a seaside hotel, writing this piece while gazing out over the vastness that absorbs my thoughts. Everything seems so small compared to the tide.

I seek a way to treat the sea as feminine, as in the French language: la mer. I draw from Brazilian Candomblé, which worships Iemanjá, the mother of all fish and all heads, the origin of the saltwater ecosystem, home to many life forms. Iemanjá guides the answers we seek and speaks to us through the sound of the waves and the infinite blue.

I prefer the French version of the sea and find myself reflecting on how words and their genders can either confirm or subvert logic. In that sense, one word that feels uncomfortable in the feminine is envy.

Not that women are immune—far from it. In fact, framing women as envious is a cliché in many analyses. However, considering that women are socially disadvantaged and face reduced opportunities to reach positions of power, they often have to compete for the single spot available. When one succeeds, others envy her—not because they are inherently jealous, but because they also wish to be in that position and know there are few opportunities to go around.

Freud once said that women envy the penis. Decades later, Beauvoir countered that it wasn’t the penis itself but the privileges attached to it that provoke envy.

As feminists, we know well how far a man might go when he lacks something he wants—or when he resents seeing a woman he desired being happy instead of crying. When a woman is seen as an object of possession, as happens daily across Brazil, the stage is set for tragedy. Historically, men have killed, raped, and sabotaged out of envy. And they still do.

On the other hand, a word that feels appropriately masculine in Portuguese is rancor (resentment)—a powerful driver of frustration that turns into hatred. Iemanjá reappears in my thoughts and reminds me of the ordeals women endure in the workplace when their boss desires them and receives a “no.” If the woman is in a relationship or interested in another man in the group, multiple feelings emerge: envy toward the “lucky” man and resentment toward the woman for rejecting him.

“You’re either mine or no one’s,” as many men still say every day. In professional settings—be it a company, public institution, or political party—even when highly competent, women face real calvaries driven by male envy. Lacking hierarchical power in patriarchal structures, they are often powerless to respond appropriately.

Moreover, many women face strategic difficulties in responding, as the process of being undermined can be colorless, tasteless, and yet insidious and deeply painful. Hard to prove, easy to feel. Incidentally, harassment is another word that fits the masculine form well.

Women in leadership positions face another scenario—one we’ll explore in another text. It’s worth saying that any analysis based on power logic assumes that there are no saints among humanity. In other words, not all men or women are perpetrators or victims. But given their privileged position in patriarchal (and racist) systems, men have many tools to reinforce that status quo.

Corruption is one of them—present at least since the tale of Adam and Eve. Thus, men are well aware they have weapons at their disposal to punish women who say “no” when they believe they should say “yes,” or say “yes” when, in their view, they should have said “no.”

One of patriarchy’s oldest weapons is identifying and rewarding women who say “yes” to men—at the expense of those who say “no.” These men, even if terrible, are powerful and thus surround themselves with lovers and beautiful women, “rewarding” them with coveted positions obtained through shortcuts. Positions that, of course, are always inferior to the ones they occupy.

We must stay alert to the traps of patriarchy and understand the many reasons why men will do everything in their power to preserve a system that pits women against each other.

Rivalry, in the feminine, thus sounds like a great irony—one that more accurately represents the conduct of many men in this country.

Content translated with the assistance of artificial intelligence